Soul swap, sweetheart
by Orant mihi
Summary: One day Ichigo wakes up in Orihime's body. If he is in hers, then who is in his? Where is Orihime? And who the hell is that blue haired stalker? Ichigo/Kon/Ishida/Grimmjow/Renji
1. Intruder

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor do I make any money out of this. I do not have a beta and English is not my native language. There, with that said let's move on to our bizarre story!

Word count: ~2200

- Soul swap, sweetheart -

Chapter 1

**Intruder**

It was a normal day in mid May for Ichigo Kurosaki. The birds were chirping loudly and rays of sunlight slipped through the curtains. The warm rays forcing open eyelids that were still heavy with sleep. He yawned silently and turned around to escape the sun, but it was no use. Soon the whole room was filled with its warmth and light. Ichigo gave up the fight and opened his eyes.

_Damn persistent sun, the alarm hasn't even gone off yet… _

When he felt his stomach grumble, he knew it was time to get up, but he didn't. He just lay on his bed, staring at an unknown ceiling. In fact, the whole room was unknown to him. He blinked in confusion, thinking he might still be dreaming, but somewhere in his subconscious he knew very well he wasn't asleep anymore.

He looked around once more. It was a girly room, pinkish with stuffed animals and lots of decoration. _Really _lots of.

Ichigo bit on his lip while he tried to remember how he had gotten here. Did he… had he… slept with a girl last night? A shiver ran down his spine, the embarrassment that he could have done _it _without even recalling the slightest bit. No, that didn't make sense. It must have been something else. Perhaps a sleepover party? Or had he just gotten so drunk that he passed out and someone had to drag him here?

Come to think of it… could this be Orihime's room? He knew she liked stuffed animals and… Ah heck. It could be any girl's room. Like he knew so damn much about girls, they probably all liked pink and stuffed animals –except for Tatsuki.

When he sat up he felt an enormous extra bit of weight wobble forward on his chest.

_What the…?_

His eyes widened and he stared down. Strands of smooth reddish, orange hair crawled down on his shoulder, milky white soft skin, shivering as he looked down on them, two huge mountains proudly standing up on his chest. _His_ chest.

He heard someone scream in horror and by the time he realised he was the one shouting, his voice had gone hoarse, his throat thick and dry, making breathing suddenly a less natural progress.

"What the hell happened?!" he heard _Inoue _shout. "Jesus Christ!" Inoue seemed to be swearing now. "Hello?! _This_ isn't happening…"

He felt like he was going to faint, pass out, fall out of the bed or… smack his head against something and then pass out. He did none of these, though. Knocking himself out and go back to sleep seemed so tempting, but he didn't want to be reckless, he needed to calm down, concentrate.

He slowly brought a trembling hand up and carefully rubbed his eye with it. It felt so weird… as if it were Inoue touching him.

He studied the hand, studied the arm, studied the hair, -blushed heavily when he glanced at her huge breasts- then he kicked the sheets off and studied his stomach, legs and feet. He didn't want to pay too much attention to her... other parts. It was embarrassing, for her probably even more than him.

But what the hell! He was in _her _body alright!

But if he was in her body, then who was in his body? He didn't even know they could swap bodies! But she was a normal person with a normal soul, while he was a Soul Reaper, his soul was made to leave his body now and then. But she should be attached to her own body with the chain of fate. Him being in her body, didn't that mean her chain had broken? And if so… did that mean her soul was dying now?

Ichigo knew the story of the bird of Chad, the boy's soul had been separated from his body so long that there was no way back. In the end, he had to send him…

Ichigo stared down at his –_Orihime's_- chest, as if he'd find the chain of fate there. Of course he didn't. He bit on his lip. Where _did_ her soul go anyway? In _his_ body perhaps…?

This was a total disaster, he didn't know whether it was a fault at random or that this was either purposely done by someone, but he did know he had to find Orihime's soul as fast as possible.

He jumped out of the bed, surprised at how light his body –or rather; _her_ body- actually felt. The chest… was heavy, though. Very heavy. What a burden for the back. This whole thing felt weird, his body itched and seemed to need his touch, but he only felt like getting away from it as far as possible, but he was stuck on it. The more he felt like getting away, the more the body seemed to itch and beg for his touch.

Ichigo let out a deep sigh and frowned. _Alright, bitch, I'll scratch ya! _He slowly brought his hand up and rubbed over his –_her_- belly, brushing the silk cloth of the pyjama against _her_ skin.

_Jesus… _he thought while he closed his eyes. All this was terribly overwhelming and at the same time he managed to actually feel _aroused _at the sight of Orihime's body in a thin, silk pyjama, _so _close to him… He breathed through his nose and opened his eyes again. He was going to take a piss, brush his teeth, get in his uniform and then go to his own house.

He was going to see with his own eyes who the hell was in _his _body if he was in Orihime's.

Secretly he really hoped Orihime would be in his, so that they could swap right away, but knowing his luck, he'd rather not depend on that.

Ichigo had trouble finding the bathroom, but when he finally found it, it felt so _awkward_ to stand there. His bladder was pushing him to quickly move on, but he could only stare down at his crotch, trying to let the fact that he actually had to _sit _down on the loo get through his thick skull. When he pulled his panties down and broke his neck over staring at the ceiling not to catch even a single glimpse of Orihime's privates, he swore to God he would kill the fucker who had pulled this prank off.

***

Ichigo pulled the door shut behind him and took a moment to smooth his skirt out with his hand; the damn thing was so short! He never really realized it, but their school head was a real pervert. Either way, if Orihime and all the other girls had worn it till now, than he certainly wouldn't be out of the ordinary wearing it.

Ichigo wasn't a shy person, but he felt damn uncomfortable in Orihime's body. He could hardly concentrate on the road before him, knowing that he had such a delicate and beautiful female body under his command. He was afraid other men would feel the same as he did and feast their eyes on him, then again, if they would, he'd just had to kick their brains out. Problem solved.

His mind was a chaos, he could hardly believe what was going on, but if there was one thing that he was certain about, it was that he had to take good care of Orihime's body. That was exactly the thing he needed to get his mind ordered again.

He clenched his fists and started running the way to his own house; the Kurosaki residence.

The first thing he noticed while running was that his breasts were awfully in the way. The second thing he noticed was that Orihime's hair was annoyingly swinging in his sight. Sure long hair looked nice on a girl, but when it came to practical use; it deserved a big, fat _F_.

After a while he felt his lungs giving up on him, they burnt and he was short of breath, gasping and heaving like he'd never done before –not for such a short distance anyway.

_Damn, no stamina at all, Orihime, _he reproved her, but at the same time he felt bad for straining her body that he was entrusted to. He had to take good care of her, which meant taking it easy. Her body was different from his, he couldn't be reckless. While he was thinking about this, Ichigo started to walk his way to his own house. He had left Orihime's place early, so there was probably no need to worry that the person in his body had already left the house.

Ichigo decided to run the last bit of the trip to his home. He felt like he needed to prove himself, even though he was in a weaker body, with a bit of mental endurance he had to be able to do this. When he arrived he heard familiar voices; Keigo and Mizuiro.

_Damn_.

Wouldn't it be suspicious if they saw Orihime at his house? Surely they would start speculating things on their own! Rumours would spread so fast he wouldn't even be able to hide his face on time!

No, he had to get out of here, while he still could.

Ichigo turned around to leave when he heard Keigo call him –or rather; _her_.

"Hey Orihime!"

Ichigo had never felt more reluctant to turn around. He forced himself to relax his face, to let go of his frown, to _smile_ –for God's sake! There was no way he could walk away pretending not to have heard the idiot. Keigo's voice could be heard from miles away. So he turned around with a smile on his face, doing his best to imitate Orihime's features.

"Hey Keigo. And Mizuiro…"

Damn, that sounded quite unfriendly, not very Orihime like. It was hard trying to act upbeat and happy while he was in the mood to strangle both of them.

"I… is Ichi- Ichigo up yet?"

Oh great. Now he even failed to pronounce his own _name _properly in one breath! What the hell was he doing anyway? He had just made clear he was waiting for Ichi- himself!

"I was just passing by and thought we might as well walk to school together… right?"

Suddenly Keigo was all in his face, excited and hyper like he always was. Ichigo had to suppress the pulsing urge to smack him in the face.

"Oh Orihime! I knew you would one day find out we are fine men! Let me, Keigo Asano, guide you to our school!"

He somehow found the courage to grab Ichigo's hand and practically rubbed it against his cheek.

"Oh _gross_, Keigo!" Ichigo found himself shouting. He yanked his hand back and refrained himself from punching his classmate. "Don't touch me." His voice was a poisonous hiss, something the real Orihime could never produce in a thousand years.

He had failed his role already in his first encounter with another person. How the hell was he supposed to keep this show up until he found Orihime back?!

Before they could say another word, a cry sounded from the Kurosaki residence. The front door flew open and Ichigo –himself!- dashed out the house, while covering his head with one hand and yanking his bag along with the other.

"Stop it!" they witnessed him shout against a flying Isshin that followed him outside. Isshin was about to plant his foot in Ichigo's –the intruder's- back when the boy managed to dodge him in the nick of time, causing his father to crash to the ground with a heavy groan.

Ichigo buried his face in Orihime's borrowed hands and sighed loudly. It was even worse to see all this happen from a distance than actually being in it, because now he had to witness both of them act like idiots in full glory, otherwise he'd just have to endure Isshin alone.

"Let's go, guys!" he heard the fake Ichigo shout to Keigo and Mizuiro. When he spotted Orihime's form a curtain of surprise fell over his face. "Orihime?" He sounded awfully happy to see her, happier than the _real _Ichigo would have been.

"Hi Ichigo," Ichigo found himself saying with Orihime's voice.

It was so _weird_,talking to himself like he wasn't Ichigo Kurosaki. Well, he guessed that made sense, for the outsiders he was Orihime Inoue now and _that _one over there was Ichigo Kurosaki.

For a moment Ichigo had feared that the other Ichigo was the _real _Ichigo and he was just Orihime that had suffered heavy brain damage, but now that he had seen the pleased expression on the faker's face after meeting him in Orihime's form, he almost knew for sure who was in his body. There was only one person who could have that twinkle in his eyes when seeing Orihime…

He couldn't take any risks, though. The chance that he was right was probably ninety-nine percent, but still, if he was wrong and that one percent kicked in, then he would completely screw everything up. However, if he really was Ichigo Kurosaki then that person inside his body just had to be someone else.

There was no way souls could actually be copied, right?

He suddenly began doubting himself. That person played the role of Ichigo Kurosaki so perfectly. Who _was_ he anyway?

--  
To be continued.


	2. Leave me alone!

A/n – Thanks for sticking along! Let's move on to chapter 2 now. Still unbetaed and English is still not my native language.

--

I'm not really for the reply mode here on FF, so I'll just reply to your comment here. If you're a silent reader you can skip this.

Hayden101 Bye Hayden, I hope it's hello again now however! Five days it has been, hope that is ASAP enough!

SillyWQ Why hello, madam! My mind _is_ twisted, you should know that by now, lol! I'm so glad you think it's funny! Because basically it's meant to be funny, lol. (What's slapstick humor?) Who knows who is in Ichi's body. I guess you'll find out! Or not… (ps. _Orihime's_ breasts are particularly heavy, Ichi.)

Moonray9 Thank you for your word! I always enjoy reading the comments! I hope this update was soon enough for you!

ShyWaterAngel Thank you for your comment! I really appeciate it. Well, I happen to update it again today, so…!

--

Word count: ~2800

- Soul swap, sweetheart -

Chapter 2

**Leave me alone!**

All the way to school Ichigo had to endure Keigo's useless babbling. In the meanwhile he tried to study the fake Ichigo as thoroughly as he could when he thought the other one wasn't looking his way, but to his great indignation the other Ichigo seemed to secretly look at him as well. This wasn't going to get him very far…

"Hey, are you two even listening?" Keigo's loud voice dragged Ichigo back to the reality. "Wait, are you two… _staring_ at each other?!"

The shock was written all over the fake Ichigo's face. Ichigo rolled his eyes in annoyance, for both Keigo and the fake Ichigo. He seemed to do such a good job at kicking Isshin off back home, but now he was doing a poor, poor job at imitating him.

Ichigo opened his mouth to fire of some ego-destructing words, but realized just in time that Orihime would never say something like that. His cheeks started to burn at the sensation of almost-revealing-himself. This, of course, was completely misinterpreted by the bonehead Keigo.

"Oh Orihime, there's no need to be embarrassed! Especially not for _him_." The 'him' part was spat out harshly and sarcastically and to emphasize it, Keigo shot fake Ichigo a nasty glance. Fake Ichigo seemed to have composed himself again and only frowned deeper, giving the 'I don't give a damn what you say' expression.

Ichigo shivered at the sight of that. So _perfectly_ Ichigo Kurosaki like… Was he wrong about his suspicions earlier? Was that person a copy of his soul after all? He had to test this intruder when he had the chance, no, he would _create _that opportunity during lunch break.

*** 

When the school bell rang Ichigo shot out of his seat to head for the 'Ichigo' –who was again doing a terrific job imitating him! Was he even Ichigo Kurosaki? He began to fear the worst, but for the time being he shoved these doubts aside. Now was the time to test this Ichigo, not to doubt his own identity.

Before Ichigo had even taken one step someone sneaked up from behind him and strangled his waist, wrists tightly under his breasts, shamefully pushing his womanhood up.

"What the?!" he gasped. The words had left his mouth before he could stop them.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he heard a familiar voice shout.

Ichigo tried to turn around. It was obviously Chizuru grabbing onto him. He had never noticed before this girl was so touchy-touchy with Orihime, but now that he thought about it… He _did _always hear many gasps and screams when it came to her…

Ichigo grabbed the redhead's hand and yanked it off his body. He wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words to make it sound Orihime like, so he decided to keep his mouth shut and wait what Tatsuki, who obviously had come to help him, would do.

Chizuru was persistent, though. Even while Ichigo had grabbed one hand of hers, she still held on him tightly. "Chizuru, could you let go? I need to take care of something…"

The girl seemed to suffer from brain damage, not a single word had gone through her skull. She just kept hugging him and shouting all kinds of weird things. Until Tatsuki rudely grabbed her collar and yanked her back, away from Ichigo.

"Thanks Tatsuki," Ichigo mumbled. He quickly shaped his blouse –not trying to look at his breasts- before turning around and running off to fake Ichigo and his friends. He heard Tatsuki shout something after him, but he didn't pay attention to it anymore.

Chad's form seemed twice as big now he was in Orihime's body! Man, it looked like he had grown even more, but he knew all too well that _he _was the one that had shrunken.

"Ichigo?" he called.

The whole group stopped and their gazes burnt holes in Orihime's form.

Why the hell were they all staring like that?! Ichigo felt his cheeks getting hot. Then he realized it was a logical thing to stare like that, because never has Orihime called him from his group like this before. Well, it couldn't be helped, he had taken the first step already, now he had to keep moving.

"Could I speak you for a moment?" He ignored the stares.

The fake Ichigo seemed surprised, but he only nodded and stepped out of the group, ready to follow Orihime whichever way she would go.

When they had left the others behind, the fake Ichigo cleared his throat, "So ehm, what's the matter, Orihime?" He seemed awfully happy talking to her.

He had to do this thing right… It had to be _bullseye_.

"Do you want to sleep over at my place?"

The fake Ichigo spluttered and could hardly hold back a grin, "Sure!" Then he seemed to realize he had given the wrong answer to that question. His eyes grew big for a moment, from panic and shock, but he quickly corrected himself. "I mean er-- _excuse_ me?"

"I knew it was you! You-" Ichigo's voice died when he spotted someone unwelcome in the corner of his eye.

Uryuu Ishida.

"I always knew you were a sneaky bastard, Ichigo _Kurosaki_," the dark haired youth said, his sharp features perfectly matching the belittling tone he spoke in.

Ichigo had never liked Uryuu Ishida and after today he would hate him even more. Why was _he_ -well, basically fake Ichigo was- the sneaky bastard if it was Orihime that asked him to sleep over anyway?!

The fake Ichigo kept quiet, only glaring at Uryuu.

"Let's go somewhere else," Ichigo said to his own form and refrained himself from touching the fake Ichigo.

"Orihime," Uryuu's voice was so loud that Ichigo was startled by it for a second. "Why are you following him? He's dangerous, I can see it in his eyes."

…_WHAT? _

What the hell was going on? Was Uryuu always brainwashing Orihime behind his back?

Ichigo was on the verge of giving an unlike Orihime answer back, when the fake Ichigo grabbed his shoulder and pushed him forward.

"Yeah, let's go somewhere else."

They kept walking till Uryuu was out of sight, then Ichigo let out a heavy sigh and grabbed the intruder's collar. "You," he hissed, teeth clenched and eyes spitting fire, "you are-"

"Orihime!" a voice interrupted him. Ichigo immediately recognized it. It was Tatsuki.

He didn't know how fast to let go of the intruder's collar. He felt his face heating up to an uncomfortable temperature.

"What are you doing here?" Tatsuki looked worried, but at the same time alert. She shot the intruder a warning glance. "I'm warning you, Ichigo…"

Why the hell did everyone blame _him_ while Orihime was the one swinging fists at him?! Was his reputation _that_ bad?

"N-no, Tatsuki, everything is fine, we were just practicing something…"

"Are you feeling alright, Orihime? You just skipped your lunch..."

Lunch? Why did she make it sound like he had just missed a million bucks?

"A-ah, well, I wasn't really hungr-"

Before he could finish his sentence his stomach had already objected with a loud growl, reminding him of the fact that it hadn't had any attention till now. The shock had replaced breakfast this morning. Ichigo realized that he had forgotten to bring his lunch packet.

Great job… That's one way to neglect Orihime's entrusted body…

"W-well, I had forgotten my lunch today anyway, so I figured I could skip it and talk to Ichigo about something and…"

That was all he could think of. His nervous laugh must have alarmed her, but Tatsuki kept quiet. She looked from Orihime to the intruder. She seemed worried, but forced a smile on her face.

"Seems to me you managed to get Orihime pretty aggressive, Ichigo." A grin appeared on her face –Ichigo couldn't really tell if it was fake or not. "What were you practicing anyway? Self-defence? I'll teach you, Orihime! You know I've won _ton_s of times from Ichigo, right?" The grin on her became even broader.

Tatsuki's haughty words made Ichigo snap out of his pondering. His face tightened at the insult, he had to mentally smack himself to put on a supporting grin for Tatsuki.

The intruder seemed perfectly comfortable with the situation. He wore a warm smile on his face. Ichigo suddenly felt annoyed that he couldn't even get a moment of privacy with his own form.

"Let's go, Orihime. You can have some of my lunch, that is, if it's weird enough for you!" She laughed and turned around to leave.

Ichigo figured it was best not to make a scene, making both himself and the intruder suspicious. He nodded and followed Tatsuki, but not before he had stuck four fingers up in the air when he had made sure no one other than the intruder was watching. He mouthed 'after school!' to the faker and narrowed his eyes to add venom to his warning.

Tatsuki guided them to the girls' restroom. When she had made sure no one else was present she leaned against the main door and eyed Ichigo thoroughly. Suddenly Ichigo feared that Tatsuki knew _he _was inside Orihime's body, but if she did, then there wasn't much he could do about it… So worrying about it was useless either way.

"Are you feeling alright Orihime?" Tatsuki said after a while. The frown on her face deepened. "You've been acting odd today. I know you have a new job and all… Is that why you try to skip lunch? Are you trying to lose weight?"

Ichigo had _no _idea what Tatsuki was talking about. New job? Lose weight? Was Orihime suffering from anorexia or something? If that was the case, then he had really done a poor job at taking care of her…

Ichigo stared at Tatsuki, his brains spinning and racing to come up with a decent answer. What was the job Orihime had accepted? Ichigo had no idea. He had to avoid the job topic no matter what.

"I'm feeling fine, Tatsuki, don't worry about it."

"You always say that, but I know you too well to fall for that, Orihime. Something is bothering you, isn't it? What did Ichigo do? You seemed really angry…"

Ichigo saw her expression change, it showed that there was something Tatsuki couldn't place, which was no surprise, since she had encountered Orihime grabbing Ichigo's collar in aggression.

This conversation was getting harder with every minute.

"Oh no, he asked me to do that." It was a lame excuse, but Ichigo figured that if everyone suspected himself from all the bad things anyway, Tatsuki might swallow this too.

"Really? Why the hell would he do that?"

_You see?!_ Ichigo thought in frustration. He was right, everyone _did_ believe Orihime and portrayed him as the bad guy. Ichigo felt like sulking in a corner right now, but he had to keep the Orihime smile on his face and play along with this stupid disguise game.

He wanted to leave, but there was no way Tatsuki would let him go before she had figured out what was bothering 'Orihime'.

"We were just joking around, it was nothing, Tatsuki. Really, just believe me. Nothing to worry about." When he saw her hesitate, he quickly added, "I'm kind of hungry too, shall we go eat now?"

After having said that an awkward silence followed, but then Tatsuki sighed and smiled. She brushed her hand against his arm.

"Okay, let's go eat. But you know it, if there's anything wrong you have to come to me right away! Promise?"

"Promised," Ichigo answered. It surprised him how natural his smile came out. This time it wasn't hard to fake a smile, because… it wasn't faked.

It was odd to see Tatsuki so caring for _him_, of course this care was meant for Orihime, but she was actually talking to _him_. _Must be a girl thing._ He mentally shrugged and followed Tatsuki outside.

*** 

After school Ichigo rushed towards the gates to wait for the fake Ichigo. While he was standing there he suddenly heard an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Orihime, I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, hi Uryuu…"

"Shall we go somewhere where we can talk in private?"

"Actually I-"

"It's important, Orihime," Ishida interrupted him. His eyes were piercing Ichigo's, making him feel uncomfortable.

"No, I have to-"

"Orihime, please."

_God dammit!_ What the hell was wrong with Uryuu?! Couldn't he get _one _moment of privacy to speak with his own form?!

"Alright, what is it?"

"Let's go somewhere else."

Ichigo felt like screaming. Why was everyone so obsessed with talking to him?! He forced himself to calm down and put up the familiar Orihime smile.

"Okay, but could you keep it short? I need to take care of some things too…"

"Yes, of course, I understand. Let's go to the café in town."

_What the fuck. _Was this a _date_? Was Ishida _hitting _on Orihime? Suddenly the urge to laugh out loud came up. Ichigo suppressed the urge immediately. So that was Uryuu's weakness! He now knew his biggest secret; Uryuu liked Orihime! If he'd ever return to his original form then this fact would be the first thing he'd abuse to get Uryuu back for the hard time he had given him while he was in Orihime's body.

Ichigo couldn't wait.

"The school yard would do, right?" Ichigo said it as innocently as he could. He couldn't allow himself to sit in a café with Ishida for three hours while someone else was walking around happily in _his_ body.

Ishida was silent for a moment, he took his time to push up his glasses and then nodded. "The school yard is fine."

Ichigo almost felt sorry for Uryuu. It seemed like he had rejected him. But come on, it wasn't _his _duty to accept Uryuu's 'love confession', that was Orihime's own job. Suddenly Ichigo wondered if Orihime didn't like Uryuu as well. If she would, then he was doing a terrific job tearing those two apart.

On the other hand, he really disliked Uryuu, so giving him a hard time getting Orihime would be one of the best things to do while he was in her body. It made being in her body a bit more bearable too.

Ichigo followed Ishida to the yard. When the Quincy sat down, the redhead followed his example. Somehow this was getting a bit too intimate…

"I know you have this new job, but I don't know whether the job is… safe. I'm worried, Orihime."

Oh God. The _job _again! Why the hell did everyone know about this job of Orihime except for _him_? Why did no one tell him, Ichigo Kurosaki, about Orihime's job? It would have helped him so much now!

"You don't have to worry about it, Uryuu. I'm fine, the job is fine, I'll be just perfectly fine. Really, don't worry about me."

"Orihime." Ishida's voice was loud and strong, but it annoyed Ichigo, because everything about Ishida annoyed Ichigo. "Let me accompany you to your work on your first day."

Could this whole situation become more awkward? This was just impossible. _Impossible. _

"I… uh…"

Perhaps this wasn't such a bad idea… knowing Ishida, he probably has sought out perfectly where Orihime worked and what time she had to go. If he'd just follow Ishida he'd have the certainty of appearing on work on time. Till then he just had to pretend that he knew what kind of work it was.

"Alright then. I guess you're right."

It was almost scary to see Ishida happy. A broad smile appeared on his face, such a victorious grin, it made Ichigo want to shake his head, but he couldn't of course. Instead, he joined Ishida with smiling to hide his true identity.

"I'll come pick you up at six 'o clock, is that okay? Then we'll have a half an hour to travel to there."

"Sure."

Wait… was that too short of an answer?

Screw this.

Ichigo almost asked Uryuu if the first day was tonight, but he could restrain himself just in time. He'd see Uryuu appear… It'll probably be okay.

"Alright, then I'll see you later, Uryuu," Ichigo said as upbeat as he could –it was still hard not to frown all the time.

"Yes, should I walk you home?"

"No, no, thanks, I'll be fine!" _Just go away!_

"Then be careful." Ishida got up and smiled. Ichigo returned the smile as best as he could.

When he got up he immediately smoothed his skirt out, hoping he wasn't inviting Uryuu to look at his legs. "I have to go now," Ichigo quickly said before he started his way to the school gates again.

He hoped that the fake Ichigo would still be there.

--  
To be continued.


	3. Worry my butt!

**Disclaimer:** Bleach is not mine, I don't make money out of this, I don't have a beta and English is still not my mother tongue.

**Word count:** ~5200

**A/n –** This chapter is much longer than the other two! I don't know what happened; I guess I just wanted to cram all this in one chapter. I'm really glad you guys all still sticking along and I love all your lovely reviews of course, even if you shout 'blah' or 'bleh', as long as it's a positive bleh and blah I'm glad.

So I'm going to take my time to reply on your comments here. If you're a silent reader, you can skip it.

_SeireiteiFantasy_ :.: And more you'll get! Like, two times more! (since this chapter is so damn long compared to the other two, lol)

_reddoggie_ :.: BINGO! You get first prize! *throws hula thing around your neck* Yeah, Orihime is the most innocent being in Bleach world, no one would suspect her, even if it's Ichigo in her body. You'll have all your burning questions about the job answered in this chapter.

_SillyWQ_ :.: Ha! Betcha this chapter ain't too short! It's twice as long! I'm soo glad you think they are in character! I always strive them to be D| Just for a second? Keep your eyes open, madam! There's going to be a lot more pissed off Orihime from now on.

_Hayden101_ :.: Don't exactly know how that connects with my story, but it's okay! I'm already glad you're reading and enjoying it!

Soul swap, sweetheart

- Chapter 3 -

**Worry my butt!**

Ichigo could see his own form standing there in the distance already, hands in pockets, bag swung around one shoulder and absently staring into the distance. It was the perfect image of Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Hey!" Ichigo called his own form when he was near. "We need to talk!"

"Orihime," the intruder answered with a grin, "I figured that much. Did I do something…?" He carried a questioning expression on his face.

"Yes you did, _Kon_."

For a moment Ichigo could see the intruder's face go pale, but he answered, "Who is Kon?"

Suddenly Ichigo wondered if this wasn't someone else, but he decided to trust his instincts and stubbornly hold on... "I know _you _aren't Ichigo, because _I'm _Ichigo. And I happen to know the look in your eyes whenever you catch sight of Orihime, so don't try playing dumb!"

The intruder could only gape at Ichigo. He shook his head and then hesitantly looked around. "I-Ichi?" he said nervously. "Are you… why are _you _in Orihime's body?"

"I don't know! I just woke up in her body this morning!"

Ichigo glanced at his own body. He felt a certain relief was over him now that he knew it was just Kon in his body. It could have been far more disastrous if it were someone else occupying it.

"But where is Orihime if you're er-.. her?"

"I already told you that I woke up in her body this morning! I have no idea what's going on!"

"So we don't even know where she is now?" Kon yelled in panic. A world without Orihime was quite unimaginable for the mod-soul.

"Would you frigging keep your voice down!" Ichigo hissed and grabbed Kon's hair to pull his head down. "I don't know what is going on, but what I do know is that we need to find her before it's too late!"

Kon nodded fiercely. "What are we going to do? Do you want your body back?"

Ichigo hadn't even thought of that, _he _could get back in his body anytime he wanted, Orihime on the other hand… vanished without a trace. Ichigo let go of his own form's hair and tapped his chin with a slim finger. "If I return to my body… Orihime's body will be unoccupied. We can't do that."

"Well, I could take her-"

Ichigo already knew where this was going. Before Kon could finish his sentence, Ichigo cut him off, "Oh, no you won't. I know you, Kon, you'd seize your chance to abuse her body."

"What? I wouldn't!"

"Yeah right, for your information, I've been stuck with you for _over _twenty four hours a day! I know your intentions through and through."

"But I-"

"No way, Kon! This discussion is over. I'll take care of her body."

Suddenly a scowl appeared on Kon's face. "Oh, I _know_! You just want to explore her body on you own!"

"What? N-no!" Ichigo felt his cheeks burning and tripped over his own words. The thought of exploring her body hadn't even crossed his mind yet, but the option made his head spin and ready to burst. "Of course not! I'm not like _you_! Don't relate me to your petty, perverted thoughts!" While Ichigo spat these words with certainty, his brains started to form images of a naked Orihime.

"You're spacing out with a perverted look in your eyes! And you dare calling me a pervert?"

Ichigo quickly shook his head and looked up at his own form. He never realized he was so much taller than the girls, he was practically looking up at his own chin. Hey wait, did Kon just call him a pervert?

Ichigo grabbed Kon's collar. "Listen," he heard Orihime's voice hiss like she'd never done before, "this is not the time to argue about who can have Orihime's body. You'll just have to stay in my body till we find Ori-"

"But you'll reveal yourself!" Kon interrupted him. "I've seen the scowl you made Orihime wear! You don't look like her at all. I could act much more upbeat and Orihime like."

"Oh yeah, then you wouldn't only abuse Orihime, but you'd molest Chizuru as well!"

"Ow, stop that, Ichi! You're hurting my feelings. Just think about it, I'm much more Orihime like than you could ever be."

Ichigo frowned and thought about what Kon had said. It did have some truth to it, but he knew Kon, he'd only do it to see Orihime's naked body. No, it was his task to protect Orihime while she was missing. He had to do his best to imitate her.

"Let's go to Urahara, see if he knows where Orihime is," Ichigo said.

Kon almost jumped back at the mention of Urahara's name. "_Him?_" he said in horror. "He's going to kill me, I'm sure of it! I'm not going!"

"Don't exaggerate, he's not going to kill you, besides, I'm with you."

On their way to Urahara's Ichigo caught Kon countless times staring at his chest. "Would you stop being so obvious about it?" he cried after the third time. "On second thought, just stop staring at all!"

"It's not even _your _chest, so you have no right to tell me to stop staring," Kon objected, but Ichigo was ready to backfire.

He turned around to face the mod-soul and huffed in his face, "Those are _my eyes_ you're looking with, so stop looking at Orihime's chest! _Damn it!_"

"But why? It's normal for a guy to like girls! No one would accuse you for checking girls out."

"Just refrain yourself! You'll ruin my reputation!"

"What reputation?"

"Just shut up!"

After a moment of peaceful silence, Kon suddenly said, "It's incredible, but Orihime is still cute while _you're _in her body."

"Well, Orihime _is _cute."

"I knew it!" Kon shouted. "You're after her body too!"

"No! How many times do I have to say tha-… _Too_?" Ichigo's eye twitched at the realisation. He restrained himself from punching Kon. "It's a good thing I never believed you from the start!" he spat angrily.

Kon winced, but was over the humiliation soon enough. He wrapped an arm around Ichigo's shoulders only to be punched in his face a moment after.

When they finally arrived at Urahara's shop, Ichigo noticed Kon getting uncomfortable and perhaps a little scared. No matter how screwed up this whole situation was, Ichigo could still bring up sympathy for the mod-soul.

"Don't worry, I'm here too."

Kon only nodded.

When they entered the shop, Jinta came dashing around the corner.

"If it isn't carrot top and his girlfriend! How'd _you _manage to get a girlfriend anyway?"

So many insults fired at him at once, Ichigo didn't know on which one to react first. "Shut up, you brat!" he sneered and showed him his fist.

The red headed boy was left speechless. He looked from 'Orihime' to 'Ichigo'. "You… I was talking to him," he said with a little voice and pointed at Kon with a shaky finger.

Ichigo wondered if an angry Orihime really was that scary. "Tell you what, brat, I _am _Ichigo!"

Tessai, who had just arrived, gaped at Ichigo. Suddenly Jinta's laughter cut through the silence. "_You _are Ichigo?" he cried in amusement. "Then is that the mod soul again?" He pointed at Kon.

"Yeah, you have a problem with that?" Kon answered, his face tight and he stepped forward.

"All mod souls should've been eliminated, why are you still here?"

"Why you little-!" Kon cried, but was interrupted by a calm and familiar voice.

"Well, what do we have here… Ichigo and his girlfriend." Kisuke came around the corner while fanning his face with his usual attribute. He carried a sly smile, which annoyed Ichigo immensely.

"I'm not his girlfriend!" the youth cried in frustration. "It's me, Ichigo! I woke up in _this _body this morning! It's my classmate's! You have to help me, Kisuke!"

Kisuke's eyes darted Kon's way, who stiffened under the glance. "I see… and that is your mod soul friend there. What have you done?"

"I already told you, I haven't done anything! I just woke up in her body this morning!"

Kisuke scratched his stubbled chin. "This is odd… I didn't even sense it was you. Let's see how the situation is like from the inside."

Before Ichigo could object, Kisuke's cane had already hit his forehead, forcing the mismatching soul out of the girl's body.

Ichigo landed on the group with a thud. "You could at least give me a warning!" the youth reproached, but he soon fell silent as Orihime's form fell down like a lifeless puppet. Kon dashed forward to catch her body. Ichigo wanted to sigh in relief, but gave a cry in horror when he became aware of the chain of fate in his chest. He was _literally _stuck on Orihime's body!

"This is interesting," he heard Kisuke mutter to himself.

"Interesting my butt!" the redhead cried. He flew up and noticed how good it was to be in his own form again, or rather; to be out of the wrong form. "What's going on? Why am I attached to Orihime's body with the chain of fate?"

Kisuke waved with his hand. "Keep your voice down, it's annoying," he sighed. Then he took a better look at the scene in front of him. "Leaving her form would mean death for both of you," he concluded.

"What?" Ichigo shouted. "How am I supposed to return to my body then?"

"You cannot."

Instead of fury, desperation was now crawling up the youth's spine. "There just _has _to be a way!" Ichigo wailed.

"Calm down, Ichigo," Kisuke sighed. "I'll see what I can do to help you." He stared at the ceiling and then looked back at Ichigo again. "In the meantime, don't go swallowing the mod-soul while you're in Orihime's body."

"What happens if he does?" Kon asked.

"You don't want to know," was the curt answer he received.

"Damn, I had no idea. This whole situation is even more rotten than it first looked like. We can't even swap…" Ichigo muttered as he rubbed his hand over his neck.

"Yeah… I'm sorry, Ichi."

"How am I supposed to keep this up? We don't even know where Orihime is! Even with that Hat-and-clogs couldn't help… but he promised to look into the matter, so I guess all we can do is wait."

Kon nodded. "Oh Orihime! Where are you, my sweetheart!"

Ichigo clenched his fist. "Just shut up, Kon!"

"You're always so harsh," the mod soul pouted, "do you know how hard it is for me to imitate that frown of yours? I-"

"Do you think I care about you at the moment?" Ichigo screamed.

Kon was taken aback for a moment, he could only stare at the unnatural sight of a fuming Orihime. "I… sorry…" Then he tried to put up a comforting smile, but it was only a nervous imitation of one. "I'm sure it'll be okay, Urahara can be… pretty amazing at times, right? Worrying doesn't help us anyway…"

Ichigo let out a deep sigh. The stress had been building up more and more. At first he thought he just had to find Orihime back, but now it seemed there were many other aspects in game too. He was so cornered in. How the hell were they going to find a _soul_? Didn't Hat-and-clogs have something like a soul tracer? Apparently he hadn't or else he would have noted him about it already. Ichigo sighed again and looked at his own body.

At least Kon was doing a decent job for a change. He was good at imitating him, no one was ever going to find out that he wasn't in his own body. As for his own situation… if he continued like this people would surely find out that he wasn't the real Orihime. Well, at least they'd think that Orihime had changed _a lot_.

"So what do I do now?" he said, staring at the ground, refusing to meet Kon's eyes. It was just odd to ask Kon for advice, to be really honest, he thought Kon wasn't really good for anything except occupying bodies, but now he found a great deal of comfort in the mod-soul, him being the only one whom he could talk about this screwed up situation.

"Urahara said he'd look into the case… so I guess all we can do is wait."

Of course. He knew that. Passively waiting… he wasn't praised for his patience, but there was nothing they could do.

Ichigo heard the clock tower hit its bells.

_One…_ There was something up, wasn't there?

_Two…_ Why did he feel like he was forgetting something?

_Three…_ Wait…

_Four…_ Uryuu…!

_Five…_ The _job_!

The tower hit six as Ichigo flew up.

"Shit! I have an appointment with Uryuu, I have to go!" he exclaimed.

"The dark haired one that called you a sneaky bastard?" Kon asked.

Ichigo's eye twitched at the painful remembrance. "Yeah, him," he said bitterly.

"Why-?" Kon wailed, feeling he was losing Orihime to some other dark haired boy.

"Shuddup, Kon, I have to go now, I'm already late!" Ichigo snapped back. He spun around to sprint home when something suddenly occurred to him. "Kon, we have tests next week, be sure to study them! I don't want to fail them just because _you _are in my body!"

"WHAT?" The mod-soul cried after him. "But I'm a _mod_-_soul_! I was made for combat not for some stinky text book from your school! I refuse to study!"

Ichigo stopped in his tracks to give Kon a destructing glare. "I swear I'll kill you if you don't study," he growled, then he turn around once more and disappeared.

Late, _late_, he was going to be late! Again he was straining Orihime's body badly. He huffed and panted as he continued his way. Damn this rotten situation… if he wasn't in her body he wouldn't have to endure _any _of this! As the scowl deepened on Orihime's face, Ichigo slowed his pace.

The Quincy was already there. Of course he was, he was on time, unlike himself. Ichigo scolded himself mentally; he hated it when he was late. It made him feel he was losing control of the situation, even _more_.

"Uryuu!" Ichigo called and then wondered why he was being so damn friendly with the pushy Quincy. "Sorry I'm late, things took longer than I expected." He came to a halt before the dark haired boy and leaned forward catching his breath.

Uryuu quickly glanced at his watch before he flicked a small smile. "No problem, we still have the time. Drop your stuff, we should get going now."

Ichigo couldn't remember Uryuu had ever been this nice before, then again, he too was a lot more tolerant towards girls than guys… Ichigo mentally shrugged and looked up to see Ishida patiently standing there watching the streets. Was he shy? No, Uryuu wasn't shy, he knew for a fact that Uryuu was even more assertive than himself at times. He was never afraid to ask something. Would it be the same in this case?

What would Orihime do in such a case?

"Shall we go?" Uryuu's voice interrupted his thoughts. Again that friendly smile, it made Ichigo hesitant.

"Y-yeah," Ichigo puffed and unconsciously returned the smile. When he became aware of it he wanted to wipe it off his face as fast as he could, but then realized it was a very Orihime-like motion; he kept it plastered on his face. Perhaps it wasn't so hard to act after her after all…

After he had dumped his stuff inside they headed to the subway. Ichigo unconsciously frowned again, thinking over everything that had happened till now. Hat-and-clogs said he wasn't able to return to his own body, so basically that meant he was really stuck in Orihime's body, wasn't it? He gave a small sigh and gazed at the road in front of him. Why the hell was this happening to _him_? As if his life wasn't hard enough with him being a substitute Soul Reaper!

"Are you okay, Orihime?"

Ichigo blinked and glanced at Uryuu. He forced a smile on his face and waved with his hand like Orihime always did. "Yeah, perfectly fine, don't worry about it…" He wanted to add some more useless words when Ishida suddenly grabbed his shoulder. Ichigo's eyes widened for a moment, but Uryuu did nothing aside from looking at him, very thoroughly that was.

_Wait_… was Uryuu aware that _he _was in Orihime's body? Ichigo felt panic crawling up his skin, but forced himself to remain calm and pretend to be happy like Orihime always, _always_ was. "W-what is it, Uryuu?" he stuttered and an embarrassed little smile found his way out on his face.

"I don't think you have to be nervous. I'm sorry if my words made you feel uncomfortable with this job of yours." His eyes drifted off a short moment, but then locked with his again. "Just forget about everything I said earlier."

Ichigo had to take a moment to let Uryuu's words sink in. So… if he was correct then Ishida felt bad because he thought his words had made Orihime distressed for her new job? Yeah, that made sense. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. He _wished _that was the only thing on his mind! It would have made everything a _lot _easier.

"This has nothing to do with what you said earlier, so don't worry about it." He almost rolled his eyes as he said the words. By now he was getting pretty sick of the words 'don't worry about it', but he knew he had to use these words a lot more in the future if he wanted to hide his identity… Suddenly he wondered whether his words sounded curt and snappy. He quickly glanced at the Quincy to take in his reaction, but he still carried the same expression, a worried expression. Again Ichigo had to refrain himself from rolling his eyes.

He wondered if Orihime ever got tired of all the over-protective people around her…

"Right," Ishida concluded when he noticed Orihime wasn't so 'vulnerable' anymore. Their conversation died and Ichigo cleared his throat. Struggling with silences wasn't very Orihime like and he knew it, but trying to force a conversation would increase the chance of revealing himself… Or at least make Ishida suspicious enough that something was up. He decided to keep quiet and let Ishida struggle with the thought Orihime was 'nervous'.

When they arrived at the station Ichigo saw that the subway was annoyingly crowded. He sighed and followed the dark haired boy in the metro. Uryuu grabbed Orihime's arm and pulled her in front of him. There were bodies scouring against each other everywhere, fat people, smelly people, _disgusting _people.

Ichigo decided he hated the subway from today on.

He was caught of guard when someone stepped back and bumped against his fragile form. He grunted in response and Uryuu's grip around his arm became tighter. "You okay?" he heard a whisper flutter against his ear, which made him shiver and press his knees together. Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut and tried to compose his breathing.

_What the __hell? _Why was he getting aroused over _Uryuu's _whisper and touch? He shouldn't be feeling anything in the first place! Ichigo ground his teeth and opened his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine," he grunted, just a little too aggressive for Orihime's doing…

When the same person nudged back again Ichigo couldn't hold back anymore. With just as much pressure he stabbed the man with his elbow in his back. The man growled, but kept quiet otherwise. A satisfied smug drew over Orihime's fine face. When Uryuu leaned forward Ichigo quickly let the smug fade.

"Good job," the Quincy smiled softly.

"Heh, thanks," Ichigo smiled back.

When they arrived at their destiny, the Quincy dragged Orihime's form out of the crowded claustrophobic space, holding her by her wrist.

Ichigo crooked a smile. _How touching. _It seemed that Uryuu really did like Orihime a lot. However, he didn't feel much for holding hands with a messed up Quincy, so he withdrew his hand. They both pretended nothing was up, but the air around them grew heavier. Ichigo was smirking in satisfaction inside.

_That'll teach him_, he thought vindictively.

They continued their way in silence. Eventually they came to a halt in front of a small restaurant; 'Madden's deliciousness's' it said on the billboard. Ichigo tripped over the words when he mentally tried to pronounce them.

What idiot names his shop something _that_ unpronounceable?

"This ought to be it," he heard Ishida say next to him. "An odd name to give the shop I have to say."

Ichigo frowned in annoyance as he heard Ishida speak his thoughts out loud. They were the absolute opposites and still there were way too many things they had in common… "Yeah," Ichigo replied. It sounded uninterested and perhaps even irked. Ichigo winced at hearing his own voice. _Damn. _He quickly glanced at Uryuu to take in his reaction; Ishida had already switched to the 'I'm worried' mode, probably forcing Ichigo to go to the 'Don't worry about me' mode again.

Ichigo let out a laughter and cut off whatever that the Quincy was about to say. The laughter was fake and sounded dumb, but to Ichigo's surprise it represented Orihime's normal laughter perfectly. _Weird, _he thought with a frown. Did this indicate that Orihime was faking her laughter most of the times as well?

Uryuu studied Orihime for a moment, giving Ichigo the chance to look at his form as well. He noticed the Quincy's fingers twitch for a moment. _What was that? _he wondered. Then it hit him like a rock that Uryuu was probably eager to touch him again. Ichigo swallowed and plastered a smile on his face. "I'll go to work then. Thanks for guiding me here, Uryuu. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Uryuu snapped out of his hypnosis and a curtain of seriousness fell over his face. "No, I think it would be a good idea if I came to pick you up tonight. Call me when you're done."

Ichigo almost gaped at the Quincy. _How noble_, he sneered mentally. "No, I'll be fine, really, you've done enough-"

"Orihime, it's dangerous at night on the streets. I _insist _you call me when you're done. Either that or I'll stay here till you're done."

Ichigo flinched. Who would want _that_? Having the most annoying Quincy –and the last one too- watch you work for like three hours in a row! Ichigo sighed and hated to admit defeat, but he nodded. Suddenly an idea hit his mind; he wasn't compelled to call Uryuu if he didn't want to. He'd say yes and do no, simple as that! Ichigo smirked inwards over his brilliant idea. Ishida seemed pleased with his answer too.

Ishida said goodbye and Ichigo turned into the restaurant. Although the name was complete crap, it did smell quite nice inside. He nodded appreciatively and forced smiles at customers who paused their dining to feel him up with their eyes. _Ugh, _some men were complete beasts... He felt shame that he shared their same gender.

A young waiter strolled his way with a wide grin. "You must be Orihime, we were expecting you," he quickly glanced at the huge clockwork on the wall, "nicely on time too." He gave a wink that made Ichigo's jaw tighten in irritation. "Follow me, I'll explain you the basics. Oh, you're uniform is in the back by the way." He lazily motioned to a door that had a 'staff only' tag on it.

Ichigo had trouble keeping his infamous scowl at distance, instead, he nodded and forced a smile on Orihime's face. "Thanks."

He was left in private to change. The first thing he did was scan the room for hidden camera's. He had vowed to himself that he'd protect Orihime's body and he would do everything to keep to it. When he had made sure no one was watching him he let out a deep and heavy sigh. There'd always be someone watching and that was him, Ichigo Kurosaki. He closed his eyes and started to undress. Hesitant hands brushing over a body that didn't belong to him. Orihime would probably kill him for this later…

When he was done he crammed her school uniform in a corner. A soft knock sounded on the door, followed by a voice, "You done? I'll show you around now." It was the annoying waiter again. Ichigo shrugged and exited the room without replying to the male.

The male smiled slyly and led Ichigo to the bar. Ichigo couldn't believe he was here doing work he never dreamed he would do, while Kon was running around in _his _body, probably not even studying! And God knows where Orihime went. He rolled his eyes and ground his teeth in annoyance. This sucked. This all was completely fucked up! And to make it all worse, there was Ishida chasing his 'worry-able' butt!

Ichigo swallowed all his frustration down and concentrated on the job. He knew it probably meant a lot to Orihime to have a work, since she lived alone. He couldn't cause her to lose this job. Ichigo frowned deeply and thought of possible places her soul could have gone to. Was it possible that she… died? And then when she died, someone shoved him in her body to… make a stay of her execution? Ichigo noticed his hands were trembling. He quickly shook the thoughts off. She couldn't be dead… if that were a possible option, then surely Hat-and-clogs would have mentioned it. And he hadn't, so that was a good sign.

After what seemed like hours the last customers left the place. Ichigo let out a sigh of relief. He quickly looked to the clockwork on the wall and saw it was close to eleven already. _Jeez, so late. _

"You did amazing for your first day!" a voice exclaimed behind him. "I was far clumsier when I had to do it for the first time," he chuckled.

Ichigo couldn't care less whether his first time was clumsy or not. He gave the waiter a hard stare, which he missed. Perhaps for the better too.

"Thanks," Ichigo sighed and rubbed over his hip. When he noticed what he was doing, he quickly let his arm fall to his side. What the hell was he thinking? Touching her body without a valid reason…

"Tomorrow you'll be here too, right?"

Ichigo had no idea, but he figured that doubt would seem suspicious, so he gave a firm nod.

"Good! I look forward to help you struggle your way out again tomorrow!" He gave her a warm smile and patted her shoulder. "You should get changed and go home." Suddenly something occurred to him. "Wait, are you walking home alone?"

Christ! All that worrying again! It was making him go insane! "No," he lied. "A classmate is walking me home. He should be here any minute now. I'll go get changed now."

A few moments later Ichigo was trailing down the dark streets. Weather was a bitch, at daytime it was all hot and nice, but at night the cold came in tenfold to bite him in the ass. He regretted wearing his school uniform to work, leaving Orihime's legs exposed to not only the night bastards, but also the chilling breeze. He shrugged the thoughts off and rubbed his arms to warm himself up. He had to hurry if he wanted to catch his ride. If he missed it, it would probably be a long, long wait all alone… Ichigo sped up his pace when he heard loud laughter behind him.

"Hey! You all alone, baby?"

He refrained himself from looking back and started running. He felt pathetic by running away, but somehow that was the first thing that came to his mind.

Get away from those bastards.

"Don't go! Let's have some fun!" it wailed behind him. The footsteps crashed forward and Ichigo clenched his fists to sprint to the subway. He put all his concentration in each step he took, trying to bounce Orihime's form as far as possible from the ground with every move.

He felt like he was running for his life.

He knew that he probably wasn't moving very feminine either, but like he gave a damn about that at the moment! All he knew is that he wanted the thugs gone, but that wish wouldn't be granted to him. He heard them closing in through his own panting. No matter how hard he strained his muscles to sprint forward, the footsteps would only become louder and louder with each second.

Was he running for his life? Probably. Otherwise all the alarm bells in his mind wouldn't be crushing his skull right now. Ichigo bit his lip and flicked his gaze around, looking for other options than running in straight forward, because he knew damn well… that… they… were…

Too close.

Suddenly he saw somewhere stand there on the other side of the road; a tall and muscular silhouette. "HEY YOU!" Ichigo cried at the top of his lungs. "HELP ME! DAMN IT!"

"You think one petty person can save you?" It sounded mockingly behind him. "Dunno if you've noticed, but we're with _five_!" A loud laughter erupted from behind. Ichigo glanced at the person he had begged help for. Begged? _Damn it…_ But the person had heard him alright, Ichigo saw him turning around and then… he noticed it.

A clean gaping hole in his abdomen.

Ichigo abruptly stopped in his tracks, the thugs behind him bumped against him, almost knocking him over, but he hardly noticed them.

"What the hell?" huffed one of them. An other one grabbed Orihime's arm, only to be rewarded with an elbow cracking in his face from Ichigo. The former substitute Soul Reaper didn't need two looks at _that_ to figure out what he was. That was a damn hollow alright, why he looked like some kind of human, Ichigo did not know. He knew he was dangerous and that was enough reason to get out of here. Ichigo spun around and pushed the idiots aside who were unaware of the danger in front of them.

"Run fools!" he cried. "He's going to kill us!" When he had taken his first steps a certain disgust washed over him. He was fleeing from battle leaving innocents behind -'innocent' as in being a non-hollow. Suddenly something struck him like lightning. Why could the thugs see him if he were a hollow? Normal people couldn't see spirits or hollows… so what was he if he wasn't a hollow? Perhaps a visible hollow?

Whatever he was, he was sure Orihime wasn't going to be able to take him on…

**A/n –** I can't resist it, I need to have a last word… Ok people, don't be so oblivious this time, I'm sure you'll know who that 'tall and muscular' man is. Till next time then! Oh wait, please do review if you have anything to say (I've seen many authors shamelessly asking for reviews, so why not become one of the many? 8D). I really do enjoy reading what you have to say, they totally make my day


	4. Hollow or human?

**Word count:** ~2600

**A/n –** It's been a while, main reason for that was because I wasn't that far yet with Bleach and thus hadn't seen Grimmy yet, but now I have, hehe!

Please enjoy!

_I'm no Barbie doll_

_I'm not your baby girl_

_-Garbage_

Soul swap, sweetheart

- Chapter 4 -

**Hollow or human?**

Whenever you think you're having the worst day of your life, you'll come to realize that the gods actually hate you and that that terrible day can always become _even worse. _

That's what Ichigo figured out at the moment.

As if being chained to his classmate's body wasn't bad enough, he'd have to run into a _hollow _too in this form!0 If he were in Ishida's body instead of Inoue's he'd have ripped the Quincy's head off already by now, but since that wasn't the case, he found himself still alive and well in Orihime's body.

While his first reaction was running away when he noticed the hollow, his soul reaper instincts had kept him in place in the meantime. He was aware that he did not have his zanpaktou, that he did not have any special powers, that he was… a frigging _girl_! Sure, he knew that and he was vaguely aware too of the fact that jumping into a fight with the hollow now would have him shred Orihime's form to pieces. But… he couldn't just leave innocents behind. He _was _in fact still a soul reaper with his duties; he couldn't just abandon them just because he was having some… personal issues.

Since lunging himself at the hollow didn't seem like the wisest thing to do, Ichigo opened his mouth and cried, "Are you guys deaf? I told you to get out of here!"

The thugs only glanced at him and locked their gazes on the hollow again.

"What's with that stupid Halloween mask?" one of them snorted. "You're half a year early, freak!"

Ichigo widened his eyes as he suddenly saw the hollow appear before them and bury his fist in the hoodlum's gut, sending the male flying and crashing into the wall. The rest of the group, including Ichigo, gasped at the sight and immediately backed away.

_What the hell…?_ He didn't even see him move! Ichigo clenched his fists. This was completely getting out of hand… When the hollow glanced at Ichigo from the corner of his eye, Ichigo gulped; the stare he met was chilling and... breathtaking in a way that Ichigo could not place.

He quickly shook his head and composed himself again. "Idiots! He's out of your league! Get out of here! MOVE!" Ichigo cried. Orihime's voice was hysterical and strained, it sounded so whiney and _girly_, but that wasn't something to worry about now. "Stop it!" he cried at the blue haired hollow.

Then he noticed it; the zanpaktou dangling at the guy's waist. Ichigo's eyes widened.

A… _soul reaper? _

He wanted to cry what the hell he was, but could refrain himself at the last moment. It was probably better to not let the bastard know he knew about hollows and soul reapers… Ichigo quickly glanced back at the thugs and was relieved to see them finally fleeing, the one that was hit, lay unconscious on the ground, but Ichigo suspected he wasn't dead; which was a very good thing…

When his eyes turned to the hollow again he was suddenly met with a hard, naked chest. Ichigo immediately jumped back and reflectively raised his fists. "Get lost!" he snarled and locked his gaze with the blue haired male.

"Is that a way to thank your savior?" the hollow said, his voice was deep, the words danced over his tongue; he seemed amused.

It pissed Ichigo off even more.

"I didn't know you were a-a—" Crap! _Shut your trap, Kurosaki! _"—a bastard!"

"I'm a bastard, huh? You've got quite a nasty mouth yourself, _girl_."

Ichigo spun around and dashed away, but before he even realized it, he was pinned against the wall. A strong arm painfully pressed against his throat. Ichigo tried to push the arm away, but it wouldn't budge an _inch_.

"Let go!" he croaked and gave the hollow the most destructing glare he had in him.

"You're my prize, I saved you," the hollow grinned, his fingers started to trail up to Orihime's waist.

Ichigo's eyes widened. Without thinking he drove his knee between the hollow's legs. The grip on his throat immediately loosened and the blue haired male clutched at his crotch. Ichigo pushed the arm away and started to run. His throat felt a little sore, but it wasn't that bad. He quickly glanced over his shoulder and saw the hollow still bent over with his arms between his legs.

_Hope that crushed your babies_, Ichigo thought hatefully.

He kept running and running, Orihime's form was gasping and panting. Sweat stood in beads on her brows. Ichigo felt a pang of relief when he saw the station nearing. He sped up a little more and sprinted forward. When he finally reached the station he bent forward, placing his hands on his knees for support, and sucked in all the oxygen that Orihime's body needed. Suddenly he felt a light pat against his –no, _her_- ass.

Ichigo screamed, it was a cry from surprise, frustration and _fury. _He whirled around and swung his fist to whoever was behind him. He wasn't surprised one bit when he saw the blue haired tall form again. Orihime's fist was caught in the far larger hand of the hollow, he locked her hand in his own and squeezed.

"Leave me the hell alone!" Ichigo cried, he tried pulling his fist back, but the other wouldn't let go. He quickly glanced at the train that had arrived in the meantime. He tried to pull back once more, but the hollow yanked his complete being forward, until he bumped against the tall form –which was just plainly _gross_. "Bastard! I'm going to kill you! I swear I will!"

"_That_," growled the hollow, the amused glint in his eyes had disappeared by now, "really hurt…" His voice rose to a snarl and he leaned in on Orihime's form. "I'm going to make you regret doing that," he hissed, then he suddenly crushed his lips on Orihime's mouth.

Ichigo's eyes widened and he desperately tried to push the other man away. When he wouldn't budge, Ichigo tried to raise his knee once again, but this time the hollow was faster; he shoved his own leg between Orihime's thighs and grabbed one of her wrists.

Ichigo could feel the other's tongue nudging against his teeth that formed a protective wall to prevent the other from invading private territory. Ichigo violently turned his face away and gasped for air. Wet kisses were planted on his cheek. "Get the hell off me!" cried the substitute soul reaper. He started to thrash in the hollow's tight grip. "I'm going to miss my train, you imbecile!" He honestly didn't know why he'd said that, like a _hollow _could understand that was of any importance. "Dammit! Just let me go already!"

To Ichigo's surprise the hollow let go. Without giving it a second thought Ichigo spun around and sprinted towards his ride. His eyes grew big as he saw that the speed monster had already started to move. "No! Don't go!" he yelled in panic, the idea that he'd be left behind _with _the blue haired hollow made everything too unbearable. When he realized it was no use chasing a mechanic monster he slowed his pace with a defeated face.

_Shit. SHIT!_

Just when Ichigo glanced over his shoulder to see where the blue haired hollow had gone, he felt a hand slip around his waist and he was swung over someone's shoulder. He felt hard muscles hit against Orihime's stomach.

Ichigo gasped and gripped the white jacket of hollow for support. The next moment his vision was obscured by an auburn coloured curtain of Orihime's hair.

The hollow was flash-stepping? Ichigo raised one hand to keep Orihime's annoying hair out of his face and tried to glance back where they were heading to. He frowned in surprise when he noticed the train he had missed came closer and closer with the second.

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouted. When the hollow didn't answer him, Ichigo buried Orihime's nails in the man's bare back.

"Christ! What the hell, bitch!" he heard the hollow scream back.

"Answer me when I ask you something, bastard!"

Ichigo heard the hollow spat loudly, but he didn't answer him anymore. Instead, the hollow made a great leap and landed on the roof of the train itself. He carefully placed Orihime's form on solid ground again, while at the same time acting as her shield to keep the strong wind from her face.

Ichigo blinked and frowned at the hollow. The bastard was... helping him? The substitute soul reaper averted his gaze and scowled. Could it be that this hollow was also... hitting on Orihime?

Oh God... As if having one _Quincy_ around wasn't bad enough! This one even had worse manners!

Ichigo unconsciously wiped over his mouth and then glared at the hollow. "What are you trying?" he asked suspiciously.

"Trying? Nothing much, I was just helping you out a little," grinned the male. With that said, he suddenly crashed his fist through the metallic roof of the train.

Ichigo gasped at the sight. "What the hell are you doing! You can't just destroy public properties! That's vandalism!"

The hollow raised his blue eyes up to him. "So?"

"That's against the frigging law!"

"Ha!" exclaimed the male and he gripped Orihime's wrist. "You think I give a fuck about the petty laws of you human? Think again, sweetheart!"

While Ichigo tried to pull his hand back, the hollow yanked him forward. "Get in the train," he said as he glanced over his shoulder. Ichigo quickly followed his line of sight and saw what the hollow was getting at; there was a bridge coming.

Not that a stupid bridge would kill him, a _soul reaper. _He had done more dangerous things in his puny life.

"If you'd let go of me, I could climb down myself!" Ichigo spat aggressively as he pushed the other man aside.

The hollow looked at him for a moment, then he shrugged and let go of Orihime's wrist. "Whatever, doll, jump those two meters yourself then."

"Don't call me doll!" Ichigo screamed, when the other just stared amusingly at him, Ichigo narrowed his eyes and then jumped through the self-created opening. With a loud thud he landed on the floor. Terrified pairs of eyes watched Orihime's form land before them.

Orihime's legs were tingly after the jump. The train was mostly desolated, with the exception of an old pair sitting somewhere across from him. Ichigo quickly dusted Orihime's skirt off and hesitantly smiled at the older pair. They openly stared at him with wide eyes, when suddenly out nowhere another person dropped through the ceiling the older woman screeched and got up to flee.

No shit. That bastard had frigging blue hair and a _sword _dangling at his waist. If he were an old lady, he'd probably freak out too.

The old man immediately got up and followed the woman's example.

"Well then, you made your damn train, sweetheart," the male said victoriously, a grin spread from ear to ear. "Shouldn't you be thanking me?"

"Why should I thank a damn ho—" …crap. "—hobo."

"Nng?" groaned the hollow with a hard stare.

"I said you're a damn hobo! The fact that you don't know what it is already proves it, _stupid_."

"Watch your mouth, woman," he growled dangerously.

Ichigo averted his gaze and scowled. _Don't start getting intimidated now, you idiot… _

Suddenly the hollow dropped himself next to him. His leg rudely hit Orihime's knee, his thigh pressed shamelessly against hers. Ichigo scowled even deeper and shifted to take some distance.

"You afraid?" purred the hollow, the low sound send shivers down the soul reaper's back, even though he had no idea why.

"No," he bit back harshly, "just disgusted. You're disgusting, freak. What's with that stupid mask anyway?" Not to mention that hole, but Ichigo rather kept that one to himself. In case he might awaken something nasty with this potty mouth…

"This?" the hollow replied while he gave the hard bone on his right cheek a firm tick. "It's my mark."

Stupid hollow, stupid answers. Figures.

"…Whatever."

"I wonder what would have happened to your little form if I hadn't been there?" the hollow slurred teasingly. Ichigo saw the hollow turn his way from the corner of his eye. The substitute soul reaper ignored him. "I could take you home the next time, I'm much faster than those dumb humanly invented 'trains'." When the other kept ignoring him, the hollow yelled,"HEY! I'm talking to you!"

"And I'm ignoring you! Can't you see, bonehead?"

_Heh… that actually made perfect sense too... 'bonehead'. _

The form next to him had started to shake. When Ichigo quickly glanced aside, he saw that the blue haired male was trembling in anger, probably holding himself back with the greatest effort. Ichigo had no idea that hollows could feel indignant about something stupid as this. Then again, if they could lust after blood, then why not lust after women? It probably wouldn't make very much sense considering normal hollows, but this guy… (see, he even called him a 'guy' now, instead of a 'hollow') was almost more human-like than monster…

"Why are you helping me?" asked Ichigo, this time turning around slightly so he could look the hollow in the eye. His blue eyes were pretty bright.

"Why?" the hollow spat. "Because I wanted to, that's why, bitch. Now stop asking stupid questions."

Bitch? _Bitch? _He dared calling Orihime a _bitch_? "I'm no bitch!" Ichigo screamed while he instantly stood up. "I'm leaving, bastard!" he snarled as he stomped away.

_Wasn't this weird?_ Something inside Ichigo told him that this hollow was no danger at all for him, but that was outrageous wasn't it? All hollows were dangerous, they ate souls… So how could he just treat Orihime so… nicely? But wait, there was another thing, this 'hollow' was visible to other people. Why? Did that mean he wasn't a hollow after all?

Ichigo could practically hear his own brains creak. Then he suddenly noticed the creaking sounds were from the floor. That bastard had come again. He rolled his eyes in annoyance and clenched his jaws as he heard the low voice of the other again.

"Friggin' long ride," the hollow muttered behind him. "How long is this going to take?" his voice rose to a snarl.

Ichigo spun around with clenched teeth. "No one asked you to wait, you know? You could just buzz off if you hate riding the train so much."

Suddenly the other smirked. "That's right, I'd much rather ride _you_."

_Stay calm, stay calm… _Ichigo replayed in his mind. He sucked in the oxygen and turned his back to the hollow again. "You're disgusting," he hissed to the door.

"What was that?" growled the other behind him.

"I said you're disgusting!" yelled the auburn haired 'girl'. He froze when he felt a strong grip on his arm. "Let go!" he shouted and turned around to push the other male away.

"Why can't you show some gratitude! I fucking _saved _you, woman!"

"So what! That was your choice, not mine!" While Ichigo was yelling this, he felt some kind of internal struggle within him, one side of him wanted him to back down and show some gratitude, but his other side kept reminding him of the disgusting kiss the hollow stole from Orihime. While he tried to break free, he didn't notice the train come to a halt. Until the doors shoved open before him and revealed someone he really did _not_ want to see.

_Uryuu Ishida. _

**A/n –** Strangely enough I have loads of inspiration again for this story. Please review if you want me to update fast, because they work as accelerators! ;D

23


	5. Push over the edge

**Word count:** ~2100

**A/n:** Whoa, whoa, this chapter was written on January 1 2011... Yes. Yes, it was. Except for the last five paragraphs (including the one sentence paragraphs) which I just added now to finish the chapter. I have to admit I did not change anything about the already written part, not even fish out grammar errors, since I actually had to snort at my own writing and didn't want to touch/edit the old style. I don't understand why I didn't update the story in 2011, but looking at the unfinished documents I can see that on October 2010 I also gave it a try writing chapter 5, but that one didn't flow as well. Perhaps I was just really picky.

Anyway, I am aware not everything in the previous chapters has run smoothly. Forgive me, I wasn't always skilled enough to keep the characters canon etc. ...Alright, I'll shut up already so you can go on reading.

- Chapter 5 -

**Push over the edge**

Ichigo stared at the Quincy with his mouth agape. He forced his brains to start spinning again. There were probably two things that could happen now, depending on him. If he showed any more hostility he was quite sure Uryuu was going to jump the weird hollow and _that_ was something he wasn't looking forward to. Another possibility was getting rid of the hollow by pretending he and Uryuu were an item. Or would that enrage the hollow? Shit. He had to admit that both of his plans weren't exactly the most brilliant ones.

First, he had to get away from that too tight grip of the other male. Ichigo jerked his arm back harshly and hopped out of the train. When he looked up he saw a tense look on the Quincy's face, he was staring at the hollow with a scowl. Oh right. He almost forgot the hollow had a _hole_ right through his belly. Heck shit! There was no way around this now.

"Look," he started with his arms raised -and for once he was grateful for the light and innocent voice of Orihime he was granted, "this isn't what it looks like, Uryuu. He is not an enemy. He saved me. Eh… and helped me get on the train." It was best not to mention how the hollow had helped him get on the train. He looked up to Uryuu again to gauge his reaction.

The scowl on the Quincy's face surprisingly only deepened. He was still glaring –even more- holes through the hollow's form. The hollow buried his hands in pockets that Ichigo didn't even know were there and calmly stepped out of the vehicle. His step was confident, not just confident but also haughty. Ichigo found his own brows sinking at the attitude.

"So," Uryuu said slowly, "are you trying to say he's not dangerous? Because he looks pretty much like a hollow to me."

"You human are all so ignorant and petty," spoke the hollow. "You don't even recognize an arrancar when he's right in front of you?" He barked a laugh and suddenly seemed more evil than before.

Ichigo clenched his fists and glared at the blue haired hollow. "Yeah well, if you think we human are so petty why the hell are you still here then?"

"I'm a Quincy," the Quincy felt compelled to announce. Ichigo held down an eyebrow that was about to rise in irritation. "And no, I've never heard of an arrancar before, is that an underdevelop-"

"I THINK IT'S TIME FOR US TO LEAVE, URYUU," Ichigo screamed. Anything starting with 'underdevelopment' could not promise peace, that much he knew for sure. "Look, Mr. Arrancar! I _am_ grateful for you helping me, okay? Don't get me wrong, but I-" he paused, temporarily haven forgotten he couldn't speak freely because Uryuu was still beside him. He switched to a sweeter and more innocent tone, "-should go home now. Perhaps we'll see each other later, who knows." He flinched at his own words. Who'd want to see a molesting _blue haired _hollow again?!

For a moment he wondered whether the hollow would let him go just like that. When the tall male didn't show any exceptional aggression, Ichigo released the tension in his shoulder and heaved an unheard sigh in relief. Mr. Arrancar stalked over to him and crooked a wry smile at him. Holy shit. Never had he dreamt he'd live long enough to see a _hollow_ smile at _him_. What were arrancars anyway?

"What's your name?" His voice was a low growl, but there were no cruel intentions in the tone. In fact, if anything it might have even sounded friendly…

Ichigo leaned back a little and eyed the arrancar cautiously. "What's _yours_?" he shot back. Not that he was interested. Hell, why did he even ask in the first place? And he even went out of character again! Somehow those deep blue eyes of the arrancar make him forget about the Quincy's presence again and again. He frowned in irritation.

The blue haired hollow smirked widely. "It's Grimmjow Jaegerjaques."

_What?_ What land did that guy come from?! Oh wait, these were hollows they were talking about. Oh God, who actually would take the effort to name a _hollow_?

"…Okay," Ichigo said in defense as he saw the expectant look in the hollow's eyes, "that's a… interesting name."

"No," the other shook his head, "_your_ name."

_His_ name? Orihime's name he meant. "Er… it's… uh, Brandy." …Brandy? Seriously?

The hollow seemed to fall for it, though, because the smile only his face broadened and he took a step back, half turning around. "Alright then, Brandy. I'm sure I'll see you soon again. _Very_ soon." He turned around and jumped into the air with inhuman speed. Within a split second he was out of sight.

Ichigo could only stare at the imprints he had left behind on his retinas. He whirled around towards Ishida and was about to cuss when he remembered he was still 'Orihime'. He cleared his throat and forced a sweet smile on his face. Did this seem like identity disorder? Suddenly he realized why the Quincy was here. He was 'supposed' to call the _meddler_ when he was done with his work, but he hadn't and Ishida probably planned to come look for him… Wow. Ichigo felt a sense of guilt wash over him. Was he acting childish by trying to avoid the Quincy? It was all for Orihime's safety after all… and he was purposely endangering her by refusing Ishida's help (and bursting into frigging hollows). Perhaps it was time for surrender...

"Thank you," Ichigo found himself saying to the Quincy. "I mean, you did come to look for me, right?" He laughed nervously over his own assumption. What an arrogance.

"I did," Ishida confirmed. "Are you alright? Did that… arrancar really help you?" He still seemed pretty dazed by the fact.

"He did." _And then he molested me, ugh. No wait, HER._ Even worse… "Everything worked out in the end," Ichigo concluded in Orihime's chipper voice. "Let's go home, Uryuu." He turned and started walking to the direction of Orihime's house.

Ishida joined in his strides and they walked in comfortable silence. Until the Quincy decided to ruin it. "What happened? What did that guy save you from?"

"Oh… it was nothing serious. Just some pests." Wait. Did Orihime even use that word? "Uh, it was nothing, really. Can we drop this matter now?" His request seemed to be spot on, because Uryuu nodded in understanding and left the subject alone.

When they arrived at Orihime's home Uryuu smiled at him. "You have my number, right? If there is anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to call me. I don't mind."

Ichigo nodded. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Uryuu gave Orihime's form another once over to convince himself she was truly alright. "Yes, good night." He smiled and then left.

Ichigo slipped inside the house and slammed the door shut. He leaned against the wood and banged the back of Orihime's head against it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What should he do? Why did everything have to become even _more _complicated with that stupid hollow male? The next time he'd encounter him he had to make sure not to mess up the name thing. If the hollow would know he had lied to him… would he be angry then? Probably more than angry… He banged Orihime's head a few more times against the wood, until it started to sting.

Ichigo pushed himself from the door and hunched his shoulders. He wasn't completely alone in this, there was still Kon. They still had to trace Orihime's whereabouts. Would Urahara have found something by now? He probably shouldn't get his hopes up. What if… what if he was _stuck_ in Orihime's body? He shivered at the thought. It seemed too untrue to even contemplate. He should probably dive into bed and sleep all the stress of today away.

l-l-l-l

The next morning someone poured all his strength into pounding on the front door. The banging echoed all the way upstairs. Ichigo sleepily blinked his eyes open and stared at Orihime's ceiling. He dragged his, still numbed from the sleep, form out of bed and slouched off the stairs. The banging became more insistent and he heard a male voice scream something.

_What? _Ichigo thought. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the door suspiciously. What lunatic would go and pound on someone's door like that? He glanced at the clock and gasped. What the hell! It was just five in the morning! No wonder he felt like he hadn't slept at all! Who would come knocking on Orihime's door at _five in the morning?! _Unless… unless it was the hollow guy.

Ichigo stared at the door some more. He should pretend Orihime slept like a cow, deaf to even the most dramatic banging –like this lunatic did- on the door.

"ICHIGO, OPEN THE DOOR, DAMMIT!"

Ichigo's eyes widened. Within a split second he stood before the door and yanked it open. "_Renji?_" he gasped and openly stared at the –even taller now that he had shrunken- redhead at the door. A strange buzz invaded his mind as soon as he had opened the door.

Renji's hand had frozen midair and he looked down on the delicate and half-undressed form before him. "Huh?" he exclaimed in confusion. He looked down on the device in his hand, from which the buzzing was coming from. "HUH?" he repeated in total defeat.

"Renji! It's me Ichigo!" squeaked Orihime's voice helplessly. Ichigo frowned over the desperate tone. "It's _me_, you know, Ichigo Kurosaki! I'm stuck in Orihime Inoue's body!"

The huge tattooed redhead stared blankly at Orihime. Suddenly his black eyebrows made a twist and he leaned down. "What?!" he gasped. "Ichigo?"

"Yes!" Ichigo eagerly answered, happy another person was about to realize that _he _was _not_ Orihime Inoue. "It's me! What are you doing here actually? Are you in a gigai again?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm in a gigai. I've just been to Urahara's, but Uketake sent me here. He said you might need some help, but man, I had no idea it was all this messed up! It's like the world turned upside down." He suddenly burst into laughter, his whole form shook. "You're a _girl_, Kurosaki!"

"I know!" Ichigo ground out. "There's no need to rub it in! Do you know how frustrating these past days have been?! Why did Uketake send you anyway. And how are _you_ supposed to be of any help!" He had started yelling by now. The shrill sound of Orihime's voice made both himself and Renji flinch. He quickly snapped his jaws shut.

"Holy shit, that was an unpleasant shriek, Kurosaki. Never do that again," muttered Renji as he held the device in front of himself. "See this? I used this to trace you, or rather your spirit. It's a very accurate navigator."

"Yeah, so? How's that supposed to help-" His mouth hung open when the realization struck him. He grabbed Renji's wrist –had it always been so big?- and pulled his hand down. "This is a _soul-tracer_?" he cried out. It seemed too good to be true. He was probably dreaming, Renji would disappear the moment his alarm would go off. He stared at the redhead's face, at his smooth cheekbones, waiting for the awful sound of the alarm to break everything.

"What?" the redheaded soul reaper said, slightly confused.

"You're not real," Ichigo stated.

"Not real?" Renji snarled, immensely offended. "Well, you don't look too real either, you know! Running around in Orihime's body and claiming you're Kurosaki! If I didn't have this soul trace thing with me, I wouldn't even have believed you in the first place!"

So perhaps this wasn't a dream after all then.

Ichigo started to laugh in relief and absolute delight. One more day trapped in this terrible body and he would have expired! There was no doubt about that! "Renji, I love you! You are a life saver!" Orihime's voice chirped.

A light blush drew across the other's face and he chuckled in slight embarrassment, "Oh, well, it was really not that big a deal. There's no need to thank me." He raised his hand to rub his neck as he smiled widely, but in the same hand he was holding the small device and as he threw his arm up;

He accidentally tossed the soul tracker over his shoulder.

The device darted over the street with loud clicks and then, while both men –woman- turned to gape at it, it slid through the narrow bars of the sewage drain.

A faint splash echoed through the empty avenue.


	6. Juggermatch

**Word count:** ~1800

**A/n:** One month beats two years! Yeah for better updating speed (I guess). So I don't have a beta reader for this story (since it was so irregularly updated anyway), but I like the fact that I can update immediately after finishing a chapter. Slightly shorter chapter, but hope it won't disappoint or anything.

Just chapter four kind of bothers me, since I feel that Grimmjow was extremely out of character (something like that). Oh well. I suppose I'll just continue writing first. Hopefully the new chapters will be better. Don't really feel like editing three year old chapters at the moment :)

**ChaosRagnak** Thanks a lot for the review! Yeah, haha, indeed I fixed up with cussing. Even less graphic in this chapter, since I figured the manga wouldn't even use such crude words!

**Guest** Thanks a lot for leaving a word! Much appreciated. Yes, Orihime… who knows? Ichigo won't give up on the search, that's for sure ;)

Soul swap, sweetheart

- Chapter 6 –

**Juggermatch**

Ichigo gaped at the sewage drain, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets. That did not just happen. Nope. It was just a bad dream. Any moment now he was going to wake up, the alarm clock would buzz loudly through his room and the warm sun would welcome him to another absolutely, normal day in _his own_ body.

"Shit," Renji said, his low voice filled with indignation. "I hope Ukitake isn't going to be upset with me. Even if he might not be, his lieutenants are surely going to treat me to an annoying— OOF!" The redheaded soul reaper clutched his stomach as Orihime's form dropkicked him mercilessly.

"Damn it, Renji! I cannot believe you just threw my last resort into the sewage!" Ichigo cried out, tugging at Orihime's long locks in frustration. He ran on the street and knelt down at the small drain. The device was still buzzing as it detected Ichigo's soul inside the girl's body. "At least it's still working," Ichigo called to Renji, who just recovered from the kick. "But the real question is how we are ever going to get the device out? Man, this is so troublesome!"

"I could crack the street open. Problem fixed?" Renji offered as he approached his colleague.

It would be the easiest way, but they would completely vandalize the street with it. Ichigo scratched his head in thought. Ah, what the heck! This was his ultimate solution and he wasn't going to let himself be stopped by the mere thought of vandalizing public property! That's what they paid taxes for, right?

"Let's do it, Renji!"

"Right!" Renji yelled and squatted down to jerk at the bars of the drain. He jerked and jerked. Then jerked some more. "Shit, it's not budging, Ichigo!"

"Idiot! Get out of your gigai already!"

"What?"

Suddenly a heavy spiritual pressure descended upon the two soul reapers, causing them both to immediately stand guard. Ichigo narrowed his eyes and scanned the area, but could not detect anyone. There was no doubt someone or _something_ was present.

"Show yourself!" Ichigo shouted. To his indignation it sounded way less intimidating than he had hoped. Damn the body swap already!

Renji tried to peel off the gigai, but wasn't very successful. "I can't get the gigai off!" he exclaimed in annoyance. The heavy spiritual pressure around them was getting on his nerves.

"Oh?" A voice suddenly sounded.

It was an unpleasantly, familiar voice and this time it did not belong to Uryuu. Ichigo covered Orihime's face with one of her hands.

_No way_.

With a dramatic cloud of dust a blue-haired man with a white hakama revealed himself.

"Hello Brandy!" the man shouted and showed his sharp teeth in a wicked grin.

"Who the heck is Brandy?!" Renji cried out while he still struggled with the gigai. "I think you got the wrong person here, buddy."

Grimmjow pulled a face and glanced at Orihime's form. "You gave me a fake name? I should have known." He did not seem bothered by this fact though and the wicked grin stayed ever present on his chiseled face. "Then tell me, what _is_ your name, girl?"

"Who are you?! What do you want with Ichigo!" Renji cried out. Finally being able to drop the gigai he rose to his full height, standing there in all his glory.

Ichigo looked at the redhead in awe, realizing for the first time the intenseness Renji Abarai radiated as a fellow soul reaper. He shook his head in confusion. What the heck was he thinking? Wasn't this kind of gay? Suddenly he realized Renji had actually given away his real name. _The idiot!_ He ground his teeth together in frustration and glanced to the arrancar, gauging his reaction.

"Ichigo?" Grimmjow spoke, the name rolled pleasantly from his deep voice. "I like that."

_Ugh, _Ichigo thought in utter defeat.

"That's just terrific, Renji!" Orihime's form screamed, glaring daggers at the redhead.

"So what's this, Ichigo," Grimmjow said, obviously amused, "You hang out with soul reapers? Or are you a soul reaper yourself? That would be pretty nice."

"That's none of your business!"

Oh God. Why did things have to become so complicated?

"What the heck are you?" Renji said with a heavy frown, puzzling himself over the hole in the other's abdomen. "Are you a hollow?"

"He claims to be an _arrancar_, whatever that might be," Ichigo answered without taking his eyes off the blue-haired man. His glance trailed down to his hard chest and his breath involuntarily hitched. So ripped… No! What in the world's name was going on? Why the heck was he appreciating a damned hollow's chest?!

"You guys are so dumb, unbelievable," Grimmjow shook his head. "What's that?" he made a hand gesture to the lifeless gigai on the ground.

"Oi, oi, you dare calling us dumb, but start asking idiotic questions in return?" Renji snarled. "Who the heck do you think you are!" He clenched Zabimaru in his hand and shifted his feet, ready to dash towards his newly proclaimed enemy until Orihime's hand appeared before him, stopping him from launching himself in battle.

Ichigo withdrew his hand and looked around him. What was he doing? If he had been in Renji's place he would have done the _exact_ same thing! Attack the idiot Grimmjow without a second thought! Orihime's body was starting to affect his mind. This was bad. Then there was the device which was still in the sewage. If they would wait any longer it might flush away and they'd have even more trouble tracking it down!

"I don't have time for your petty games, Grimmjow Juggermatch!" Ichigo called out confidently. Even if it was with Orihime's voice, he thought that sounded pretty good.

A moment of silence fell upon the three. The breeze of the wind suddenly seemed so loud.

Renji glanced at Ichigo in question, "Jugger… match?"

The arrancar's smile dropped and he looked at Ichigo blankly. Suddenly his spiritual pressure increased, causing the ground under their feet to shake. "_What_ did you call me, girl?" he slowly said between gritted teeth. "Are you _mocking_ me?"

"Eh…" Ichigo uttered and looked around him. "My pronunciation might be a little off?"

"Enough! I'll have his head for that," Grimmjow said and pointed towards Renji. His grin instantly returned at the prospect of fighting the redheaded soul reaper. "He's your partner, no?"

Ichigo and Renji simultaneously turned to look at each other in disbelief, when they both non-verbally agreed that this was the funniest thing they had heard in a while they burst out in laughter, instantly taking away the menacing atmosphere around the arrancar.

"Hey, but wait a minute," Renji suddenly said, "Why would you have my head if Ichigo is the one messing up your name? That makes no sense at all. Gosh, you hollows are stupid."

In a blink of an eye the arrancar had moved from his spot, catching Renji completely off guard, and buried his fist in the redhead's face, causing a sickening crack that send him flying into the air. He wasted no time and darted himself into the air following the soul reaper's trail to beat him some more, but his plan was stopped short as Renji recovered quicker than he had anticipated and unleashed Zabimaru.

The razor-sharp disks of the soul reaper's blade drew across the arrancar's arms clattering loudly, but to his surprise it left the blue-haired male unharmed.

"I see," Renji said as he landed lightly on his feet, "Your spiritual energy prevents you from being hurt by Zabimaru." The soul reaper grinned, despite the sweat that started to form in beads on his brows in tension. "I guess I'll just have to try harder in that case!"

"Oh my goodness! This man fainted because of the earthquake!" a woman suddenly called out.

"Earthquake?" Ichigo turned to see a concerned, young woman knelt down by Renji's gigai. His eyes widened as he looked back to Grimmjow who was fighting a heated battle with Renji. Did she not see the arrancar? Wasn't he visible to the normal people the last time?

Without a second thought he ran up to the woman and squatted beside her. With the nicest face he could manage, he smiled at her. "Hello, miss. Please don't worry about him," he said as he put a hand on Renji's face, "He's just asleep. You need to clear this area."

The woman looked at Orihime's form in confusion. "Asleep? But there was this heavy quake just now! He doesn't look like he's asleep. Are you sure he's alright? Shouldn't you be leaving this area as well?"

_So many questions,_ Ichigo thought in annoyance. "Yes! I should! Don't worry about him, he's tough as… a beast!" With that the Ichigo in Orihime's body slapped Renji's lifeless gigai across the face to demonstrate.

"Ichigo! Get her out of her!" Renji called to him, blocking an attack from the arrancar which caused a powerful dust wave.

The woman shrieked at the sudden cloud of dust. "We need to get out of here!" Without a second thought she grabbed Orihime's wrist and pulled the girl along.

Ichigo immediately pulled himself loose from the grip and smiled apologetically to the woman. "Please find shelter somewhere, I can take care of myself."

The woman stood in hesitation for a moment, but then turned and fled.

Ichigo hooked his arms under Renji's gigai's armpits and dragged him towards the bushes to dump his body. That should clear up some unwanted attention for now. He looked up to Grimmjow and Renji, who were still bitterly trying to bash each other's skull in.

"Grimmjow!" he yelled, causing the arrancar to momentarily pause his fight. "Leave Renji out of this. He has done you nothing wrong."

"Oh?" Grimmjow said and grinned, "Does that mean that you're going to continue the fight from here on? I have to say I would look forward to that."

"Ichigo! What are you doing?" Renji exclaimed in worry. He rubbed the dark liquid that trickled down his temple away with the back of his hand.

Ichigo hesitantly raised his hands towards his temples. Orihime used to do this when she called out her fairies, didn't she? What were the magic words again? "Eh, Princess hair pins!" No, no, that wasn't right… "Princess shield ability!" No, wait, it had something to do with six! "Six shield princess power!"

Footsteps sounded and Ichigo jerked his head up to see Grimmjow before him.

"Doesn't seem to work, princess Ichigo."

"ICHIGO, WATCH OUT!" Renji screamed.


End file.
